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Monday, March 25, 2013

• • • Lululemon Is Asking Customers To Bend Over To Prove Their Yoga Pants Are Really That Sheer 
,
Atlas Shrugged  | [I]f I were to tell you that somewhere, out in this wide world of ours, there existed a libertarian C.E.O. of an apparel company who went by the name of Chip Wilson, and that ol' Chip, having read Atlas Shrugged at 18 and found it to be just so staggeringly touching and meaningful that he based his entire business philosophy on Randian Objectivism, you'd picture a guy who looks pretty much exactly like this, wouldn't you? I mean, it's spooky.

Monday, December 17, 2012

 Camille Paglia Wrote a Wackadoo Rant About Katy Perry and Taylor Swift 
,
Camille Paglia has claimed that she has the right to call a woman who was date raped a "stupid idiot," she gushes about Sarah Palin like she's an Ayn Rand heroine ("So she doesn't speak the King's English - big whoop! There is a powerful clarity of consciousness in her eyes"). In short, Camille Paglia is as crazy as a sack of ferrets, and she is worried about you, Middle-Class White Girl.

Friday, December 07, 2012

• • Victoria Jackson Thinks Genetically Modified Foods Are Making Us All Gay 
,
The Fountainhead  |Celebrity Admirers  | In this edition of Tweet Beat, the organic food movement finds an unfortunate ally in Victoria Jackson, Paul Abdul quotes Ayn Rand, Miley Cyrus wants a "big booty hoe" and this is what it looks like when Lady Gaga smiles.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

• • Megan Ellison Embodies All You Think You Hate About Lena Dunham’s Privilege 
,
Atlas Shrugged movie  | According to the Los Angeles Times, Ellison has financed more independent movies that no one has seen than the people who thought moviegoers really wanted an Atlas Shrugged movie (Ellison, btw, also quotes Ayn Rand on her Twitter).

Friday, April 27, 2012

 Gingrich Quits Ailing Campaign for Hotter, Younger Campaign 
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[Newt Gingrich is] planning on announcing his withdrawal from the Presidential race on Tuesday, which will leave Mittens Moneybags Etch a Sketch Poopmobile Romney alone in the Republican race (unless you count Ron Paul, type several dozen impotently enraged Ayn Rand fanboys simultaneously).

Thursday, April 19, 2012

 Science Proves Women Over 30 are Better than Everybody 
,
The definition of morality isn't settled; some philosophies don't hold selflessness and altruism to be "moral" traits; rather, they believe that humanity is at its best when everyone's operating full dick speed ahead, like an Ayn Rand protagonist or the Koch-esque billionaire from Bioshock.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

• • The Problem With Niche Dating Sites 
,
Atlas Shrugged  |The Fountainhead  | Are you a vegetarian hunting for a meatless makeout sesh? There’s a dating site for you. Christian Eve, looking for an Adam? There’s a dating site for you. Ayn Rand fan in search of romance? There’s a dating site for you, too!

Friday, January 20, 2012

 Rick Perry Drops Out of Race 
,
For those of you following the horse race, it’s down to Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, and Mitt Romney— two Clinton-era relics, an Ayn Rand fanboy, and a humorless robot beamed forward in time from a bygone era when money grew on trees.

Monday, May 30, 2011

 The Cult of Oprah 
,
The Fountainhead  | Even though she unleashed Dr. Phil onto the masses, at least [Oprah] never told her viewers that gingers needed to be banished to the sewers and that puppy blood makes an excellent anti-aging serum. On one hand, she made a bunch of people read Anna Karenina, but at least she didn’t start a Lil’ Roarke Ayn Rand Kidz’ Club.